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Dec 17, 2020

Once in a while, we do something that marks a “before” and “after.” 
This list, for me, was one of those things. The defeated, desperate, broken person I was at the beginning is far from the determined, risk-taking, brave person who I became by number 50. And because the list never quite ended, I simply...


Dec 15, 2020

So much of my life has been spent worrying about what other people think. I stressed over what people would think of how I was dressed, my hair, my makeup or lack thereof, my weight, my shoes, whether the colors I was wearing suited my complexion. Does anyone remember when we had to know what “season” we were?...


Dec 10, 2020

When something is scary, we avert or close our eyes. We don’t watch. We don’t look at it. We close our eyes and wait for it to be over, right? Someone will take away the scary or gross thing, the scene in the movie will be over and you’ll be able to come out from under the blanket. So when I found out that what...


Dec 8, 2020

Is there anything scarier than approaching a group as an outsider? For me, in the moment, I couldn’t think of anything harder to do. They were having fun and in mid-conversation. All I could think about was, “What if I interrupt and they stare at me awkwardly? What if I’m not welcome?” Forcing my legs to move...


Dec 3, 2020

I’ve spent my life hiding and so much of my list reflects that fact as I’ve repeatedly fought to break out of that pattern. It hasn’t gotten easier. I think some things have, the more I’ve been exposed to them, but not this. I knew I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t push through my fear,...